So this dude in Utah was just excuted by firing squad. Now, various positions on the death penalty aside, I’m pretty sure everyone can agree that, on a scale of zero to incredibly fucking painful, no method of execution is anywhere near what anyone would call “pleasant.” At first, when I initially read that the deceased actually chose firing squad, I thought that was a bit wackadoo. By all accounts bullets hurt quite a bit – having never been shot, I can’t attest to any personal experience, but that seems to be a pretty universal assessment. Bullets = Hurt like a mofo.
But I’ve been think about this, and the longer I think about it, the more picking firing squad, as opposed to any other method of execution, seems like the best of a bad bargain. The only other choices in the US, as far as I can tell, would be electrocution, gas chamber, hanging or lethal injection, and, no matter what SCOTUS says*, any methodology of execution deemed too cruel to use when putting down a dog is not how I want to go. (Paralytics? No, thank you. The last thing I want is to die in agony completely unable to move.) And though I have had a number of people tell me that my hair looks as if my finger has been in a socket – clearly unaware that a) that’s a rather foolish thing to tell someone if you don’t want them instantly hate you and b) that the vagaries of so-called “mixed” hair are legion, obscene amounts of bad-ass fluff being only one of many perks – electrocution sounds, unbelievably, even worse.
Of course there’s hanging, with the possibility of slowly suffocating to death, and the gas chamber, with the absolute guarantee of slowly suffocating to death . . . No, firing squad, on deeper musing, is at least comparatively quick, if not not painless. Were I in that situation, providence forfend, I think that’s what I’d go with too. Now personally, I think that if getting shot is the good option, this could be a good time to revisit the 8th Amendment, but rather than start folks to fighting right out of the gate, and on the presumption that I’m not the only morbid soul in the world to preoccupy themselves with such grisly-ass thoughts – what would you pick?
*Baze v. Rees – have you met my friend GoogleScholar? Look upon its works, ye Mighty, and despair. Or leisurely surf its works, ye Merely Curious, and go into paroxysms of nerdish delight. Whatever suits.