The Thing Speaks for Whatever

An Open Letter To Amazon.com

In Because I Think I Deserve It, My Letter Game is On Point, Rikka on September 29, 2010 at 11:48 am

Dear Amazon,

You offer a year of free Amazon Prime to students, which I think is great. I mean, we all know students have lots of credit cards and are pretty good at acquiring debt, right? Just take a look at the student loan market! That probably works out great with your new Chase credit card offer with the low, low interest rate of 21%!

I’ve seen that you’re also offering 3 free months of Amazon Prime to people with children. That’s a pretty good idea, because parents are pretty good at racking up debt, too. Kids are costly! How simple it would be to join your fantastic subscription plan for Flinstones vitamins! Need a new stroller? No problem! Amazon can get it to you tomorrow for $3.99!

But, Amazon, I feel that you are leaving out a very, very important group of people here. A group that you would find to be mutually beneficial to offer free shipping to.  Amazon, I ask you, what about free Prime membership for people who are awesome?

You see, Amazon, I am awesome. I mean, really, really awesome. So awesome, in fact, that I have purchased two of your kindles in the past year. Well, one was a gift. I spend nearly 40% of my disposable income on Amazon.com. Sadly, though, I am not a student. Nor am I a parent. And yes, Super Saver Shipping is great. But I’m impatient, Amazon. I want it the day after tomorrow, and I don’t want to pay to get it here.

I am aware that “Awesome” may seem like a very broad category to you, so I am willing to go the extra mile to help you narrow it down.  “Awesome” can be defined as “something which inspires awe.” Are you not filled with awe knowing that I want to give my money directly to you, and not to UPS? Are you not completely awed by my astute observation that, by also offering free Amazon Prime to me, you would be getting more of my money? Money that would otherwise be wasted on shipping?

Not to rag on students and parents, but I’m an unattached and gainfully employed person who can actually afford to give you my money. And this is real money here, Amazon. None of this credit nonsense. I will pay you for goods at the time of purchase. With money.

Think about it, Amazon.

Rikka Koi

Consumer and Cheapskate

Advertisements
  1. I don’t know why I never commented on this. This was the first post I read on this blog and it continues to crack me up. “Consumer and Cheapskate” indeed!

Whatever, yo.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: