The Thing Speaks for Whatever

Archive for October, 2010|Monthly archive page

The First Amendment Says I Have to Write This Post and Other Little-Known Constitutional Penumbrae

In Katie, Legally Inclined, Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings, This verges on the ridiculous on October 25, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Denizens of the internet (you’re all from the United States, right? This becomes important really soon), I would like to introduce you to the most useful and important acronym you will ever know. No, not SCUBA. Not LASER. FAS.

FAS stands for First Amendment Says, and can be employed any time someone tramples your First Amendment rights. Picture this: you’re minding your own business, exercising your First Amendment rights like any good American, and then suddenly they’re trampled! It’s as if a herd of elephants stampeded over the original copy of the Constitution that, if my vague memories of National Treasure are correct, is kept in the Library of Congress when someone isn’t gallivanting about the country with it finding lots of treasure! National treasure.

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Books We’ve Never Finished, or the Collected Works of “Screw it.”

In This verges on the ridiculous, Unabashedly Epic Group Posts on October 19, 2010 at 4:08 pm

So sometimes, we here at Res Ipsa Etc. have issues doing posts consistently – no shit, say the three blog subscribers – and in an effort to alleviate that, we’ve decided to do regular post prompts  to encourage us to get to typing.  (Like weekly to biweekly, say.)  For this first outing, we’re all big readers, devotees of GoodReads and whatnot, and one day, the question of books we never finished came up on gchat.  How?  We have no idea, and no one feels much like checking.  Regardless, there’s somehow something strangely telling, or at least interesting, about the books an avid reader just hasn’t managed to complete, for whatever reason.  With that in mind, then, your authors present selected works we never finished . . .

John Waters on Books

We don't care if they've finished them, though.

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What’s wrong with the monks of Madden?

In Bezuidenthustra, Getting anal about sport, I wish "commentato" was a real word dammit, In which even the book nerds decide to give a fuck about the NFL, In which we watch too much television, John Madden blows, Verbs are people too on October 18, 2010 at 12:24 pm

John Madden was a shitty commentator.

Yeah, I said it. Blasphemy? Sure. Fuck it — if you can’t handle the truth, go cry in a corner.

To be fair to ol’ John, he only sounded like an idiot. A Super Bowl title and an outstanding win/loss ratio as a head coach provides evidence that his brain may in fact be more turducken than turd. And Madden isn’t the first color commentator to stink it up on television. Hell, this isn’t the exception we’re talking about here. No, when it comes to football commentating, mediocrity is the rule, cliches are the norm, and John Madden is just the beaming Buddha who all the commentating monks aspire to become.

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The Beige Menace

In Boxed Wine Is Bad For You, In which we watch too much television, Jenny, Kwanzaa on October 13, 2010 at 2:50 pm

There are plenty of reasons to dread the possibility of Carl Paladino becoming governor of New York. He’s gross.

But I wanted to alert everyone to another odious threat. If Andrew Cuomo is elected, the new first lady of New York will be none other than . . . Sandra Lee.


Gag Her With That Spoon

Even her dog is beige


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The Big Kiss Off.

In In which we watch too much television, Rooks, This verges on the ridiculous, Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. on October 13, 2010 at 2:13 am

So, I’m watching TV.  (Shock, amazement, I know.)  Anyway, I’ve seen this commercial from Dentyne about 12 bajillion times, and every single time, it drives me a little bit nuttier:

Tags, Elaborated: “Team Being on Teams”

In Jenny, Katie, Rikka, Rooks, So . . . about this blog . . ., This verges on the ridiculous, Vanessa on October 6, 2010 at 12:08 am

In anticipation of an upcoming book post of epic proportions, it seemed like a good time to revel in metabloginess, to wit, a Res Ipsa Etc. eMeeting that developed into an extended riff on one of our favorite tags here at RIE, namely the ever popular “Team Being on Teams.” Conveniently, it might also create some small anticipation in our readers in regards to our first ever group post.  Yes, a Group Post. All five (5) lady-identified ladies on ONE SCREEN.*  OMG, etc.  Conveniently, the same email chain also explains how group posts will likely work, and outlines the topic of the first such post.  It’s like, supermeta, yo.** Read the rest of this entry »