The Thing Speaks for Whatever

I Probably Owe Sir Mixalot an Apology

In Boxed Wine Is Bad For You, Didn't you know this is a music blog?, Rooks, This verges on the ridiculous, Uncategorized on August 15, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I dunno, maybe he’d think it was funny – Sir Mixalot seems like a dude with a sense of humor in interviews – but when life (or awesome friends) send you this:

"I like big books"

Oh. Mon. Dieu., Becky, regarde sa bibliotheque . . .

There’s pretty much only one acceptable response:

. . . you other readers can’t deny
when a tome shows up with very little waste
and a long spine in your face you get
sprung, wanna give out your love
cause you notice that the book is stuffed
deep in the book I’m carrying
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
oh footnotes, I wanna get with ya
forget the pictures
my besties try to warn me
but the book I got makes me feel warmly

ooh, book from Moleskine
you wanna get under my lens?
use me, peruse me
’cause you ain’t that average fluff piece
I’ve seen them drafting
to hell with no crafting
it’s set, bet
keeps going like American debt
I’m tired of magazines
periodicals aren’t the thing
take the average student and ask them that
books fat from back-to-back
so nerd kids! (yeah?) nerd kids (yeah?)
has your totebag got a book? (hell yeah!)
then read it! (read it!) read it! (read it!)
read that bigass book!
readers got books

(1st ed. face with 2nd ed. proofing)
readers got books
(1st ed. face with 2nd ed. proofing)
readers got books

weighed by the pound, and big
when I’m avoiding a gig
I just can’t help myself I’m actin like a vandal
at a School for Scandal
I wanna get books home
and what? double up – wait, what?
I ain’t talking about TVs
moving parts just kinda aren’t my thing
I want ’em real thick and juicy
so find the sequel double
got me growing stubble
sittin’ trapped in a novel bubble
so I’m lookin at annotations
short summaries in rotation?
you can keep notation
I like my books even on vacation

a word to the thick non-fiction, I wanna get with ya
and I’ll take some literature
and I gotta be straight when I say I wanna read
’til the break of dawn!
volumes got it goin’ on
philistines won’t like this song
non-readers like to get it then quit it
and I’d rather read all day
’cause it’s long, and I’m strong
and I’m down to get my fiction on
so hardbacks! (yeah!) paperbacks! (Yeah!)
if you wanna get in my knapsack
then blow my mind! screw the clout!
even movies gotta shout
readers got books

Yeah y’all, when it comes to novels, bestsellers ain’t got nothin’ to do with my selection. Danielle Steele, Dan Brown, LaHaye/Jenkins? Not even if they’re free.

So your friend takes a bit longer
and they need more time to ponder
go wander in that independent bookshop over yonder
my lending library don’t give none unless you’ve got one done
you can use bookmarks or dog-ear,
but please don’t lose that book
some people wanna give the hard sell
and tell you that a book is swell
so they gloss it, and leave it,
but I’m not quick to believe it

So publishers say they’re dead
that’s all in their heads
’cause the print is small and the prose is kickin’
all the concepts stickin’
to the monster books really packin’ reams:
I bat for your teams
gimme a moment I have to own it
my folks always did condone it
some chucklehead tried to dis
’cause his books weren’t on my list
dude you can feel free to submit ’em
that don’t mean I plan to get wit ’em
but readers, if the book is sound,
and you want to spread it around,
dial 1-800-READSALOT
And kick them bookish thoughts
readers got books

(always in the middle ’cause we got much book)
(always in the middle ’cause we got much book)
(always in the middle ’cause we got much book)
(always in the middle ’cause we got much book)

The scansion isn’t perfect, but if you wanna check or just, I dunno, need the original in your day . . .

In retrospect, all this really tells us is that I probably should not be allowed to have free time.  :::busts a move:::

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  1. I…

    *speechless*

    *wets finger to turn page*

  2. I can’t wait to do this at karaoke.

  3. Oh shit, I only JUST saw the caption under the picture! Despite my hatred of French, that was hilarious!

    • It’s a longstanding joke between Docta K, myself, and a (favorite) old flame, referencing what we referred to as “Valley Girl French.” You may hate French, but man-o-man if you wouldn’t hate it more as mutilated by the average undergrad with no conception of why accent matters.

Whatever, yo.

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