The Thing Speaks for Whatever

Author Archive

I don’t often protest, but when I do, I Occupy Vancouver on #15Oct.

In Because fuck you exploiters. Fuck you., Because I Think I Deserve It, Bezuidenthustra, Don't Tase Me Bro!, I read this entire post and all I got was this lousy T-shirt, Uncategorized on October 15, 2011 at 9:08 am

October 15, 2011.

Today’s a big day.

Today I am rolling up my sleeves, cracking my knuckles, and drawing a line in the sand.

Today I am Occupying Vancouver.

Wherever you may be in the world today, you should join, too. This is the protest of our generation. Read the rest of this entry »


Everything you always needed to know about rugby and its world cup. Plus a little bit extra.

In Bezuidenthustra, Don't Tase Me Bro!, Getting anal about sport, I read this entire post and all I got was this lousy T-shirt, Ridiculously Long Pocket Guides, This verges on the ridiculous on September 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm


Seriously. Fuck Invictus. The real shit's so much more epic.

The rugby world cup kicks off in about a week’s time. I’m basically jumping out of my tighty-whities at the prospect of six weeks of bone-crunching action culminating in the crowning of a new world champion. Actually, I’m hoping we’ll just be re-crowning the current world champions, but that’s neither here nor there. Point is, RUGBY.

Okay, I realize I’m not exactly dealing with a bunch of faithful mega-fans here. In fact, I’m thinking my readers will fall roughly into two groups: those who couldn’t really give a fuck about sport, and those who do give a fuck about sport but don’t quite know why they should give a fuck about rugby. (And then there are those of you who saw Invictus and actually felt inspired by the rugby action sequences. Sadly, there’s no hope for you. Those are some of the worst sport sequences ever filmed. Okay, enough about Invictus. Blech.)

Right, looks like I have my work cut out for me.

Hmmm. Read the rest of this entry »

These Young Artists? Highly Recommended.

In Artsy Fartsy Fuckface, Bezuidenthustra, Don't Tase Me Bro!, n00b Recommendations, Semantic Fuckery, Three Word Sentences, Verbs are people too on August 23, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Tricky post, this. Three word sentences. No more. Maybe less. But no more.

Why? Form is content. I’m art-dumb. A total noob. But this stuff? I like it! You should see. I tell you. Toddler-style. (Picking my nose. AND eating it. I commit, people.) Metaphorically me. You know, art-related. I’m telling you. Me stupid.

Anyway. Read the rest of this entry »

You don’t know this yet, but GOBBLE GOBBLE owns you, and you LIKE it!

In Bezuidenthustra, Didn't you know this is a music blog?, GOBBLE GOBBLE, So . . . about this blog . . ., We's ravin'! on November 29, 2010 at 6:51 pm

Cecil Frena directs traffic. (Photo credits unclear)

God forbid this place should ever turn into a music blog.

Not to say we don’t all love music. We do. Some of us even make wicked awesome mixtapes. USB-styles. But if there’s one thing I think the intersphere has enough of (other than porn sites, of course, although I’m not so sure we can ever have enough of those), it’s music blogs. Nobody likes to prattle on about obscure shit quite like indie music nerds, and there are few places more ideally suited to prattle than blogs. Ahem.

So I’m kind of breaking my own rule by gushing about a band on Res Ipsa, but this is an emergency. You, my dear readers, need to hear about this now. NOW.

Now, before it’s too late, before one of their tunes accompanies an Apple commercial to which an annoying, mange-bearded local hipster, sallow hands shoved disdainfully in the back-pockets of ill-fitting skinny jeans, ┬ásneers, “Oh yeah, I remember those guys, I bought their first seven inch after reading about them on — they were better before they got signed.” Read the rest of this entry »

What’s wrong with the monks of Madden?

In Bezuidenthustra, Getting anal about sport, I wish "commentato" was a real word dammit, In which even the book nerds decide to give a fuck about the NFL, In which we watch too much television, John Madden blows, Verbs are people too on October 18, 2010 at 12:24 pm

John Madden was a shitty commentator.

Yeah, I said it. Blasphemy? Sure. Fuck it — if you can’t handle the truth, go cry in a corner.

To be fair to ol’ John, he only sounded like an idiot. A Super Bowl title and an outstanding win/loss ratio as a head coach provides evidence that his brain may in fact be more turducken than turd. And Madden isn’t the first color commentator to stink it up on television. Hell, this isn’t the exception we’re talking about here. No, when it comes to football commentating, mediocrity is the rule, cliches are the norm, and John Madden is just the beaming Buddha who all the commentating monks aspire to become.

Read the rest of this entry »