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Dear Williams-Sonoma

In Katie, My Letter Game is On Point, This verges on the ridiculous, Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. on November 30, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Dear Williams-Sonoma,

I love you.  A lot. Really. Given the way I’m physically drawn to you when I walk through the mall, you may well have your own gravitational pull. I turn to you for ice cream starter when I’m feeling too lazy to make a custard, mechanical pastry bags when I want to try my hand at cake decorating, and pastry blenders when I discover that my food processer isn’t large enough to make pie crust and, in a rare moment of fiscal responsibility, realize that perhaps buying a new food processer is not the answer. I love your French pop-up kitchen sponges. I have a favorite clerk; we trade recipe tips and he believes me when I tell him that you already have my e-mail address on file, and in fact I’m there that day because I saw something I must have in an e-mail that morning, and so I really don’t need to spell the address out for him. But not even I, Williams-Sonoma, will spend $26 on three 3.5 ounce vintage milk chocolate bars, where “vintage” = “packaged in old-timey looking wrappers.”


Not. Even. I. I may be a girl, but I’m good enough at math to know that that’s nearly $2.50/ounce. I don’t care if it is Belgian. No.

But I will take all of these, please.




The First Amendment Says I Have to Write This Post and Other Little-Known Constitutional Penumbrae

In Katie, Legally Inclined, Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings, This verges on the ridiculous on October 25, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Denizens of the internet (you’re all from the United States, right? This becomes important really soon), I would like to introduce you to the most useful and important acronym you will ever know. No, not SCUBA. Not LASER. FAS.

FAS stands for First Amendment Says, and can be employed any time someone tramples your First Amendment rights. Picture this: you’re minding your own business, exercising your First Amendment rights like any good American, and then suddenly they’re trampled! It’s as if a herd of elephants stampeded over the original copy of the Constitution that, if my vague memories of National Treasure are correct, is kept in the Library of Congress when someone isn’t gallivanting about the country with it finding lots of treasure! National treasure.

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Things I learned in Texas

In Katie, Legally Inclined, This verges on the ridiculous, Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot., Why Didn't Lisa Frank Make a Privilege Knapsack with Dolphins? on September 30, 2010 at 11:16 pm

I’m currently on a business trip. In Texas. The work is heinous and plentiful. So is the douchery. Here is a list of things I have learned: Read the rest of this entry »

That Time True Blood Made Me Smell Like the Ocean In Winter

In In which we watch too much television, Katie on July 14, 2010 at 11:08 pm

Here are my thoughts on this week’s True Blood*! Because I know people are super-excited to hear all about them! Read the rest of this entry »

That Time True Blood Made Me Safeword

In Katie, True Blood on June 29, 2010 at 12:12 am

Welcome to my home, you guys! And by “my home” I mean “this blog post where I talk about True Blood a lot” and by “talk about True Blood a lot” I mean “mostly think about how Sookie and Eric should have sex like, yesterday (instead of going to Jackson) while typing some rambly bullshit” and by “Sookie and Eric” I mean “Eric and Katie”*.

So anyway. True Blood. I’m not going to recap for you, because, well, too lazy. But I will cast judgment on all of the characters, because it is what I do best!** Read the rest of this entry »