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Archive for the ‘Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings’ Category

50 Shades of Grey: I Am Noticing Your Pancakes with Irony

In Back Door Book Club B!tches 4: Back in the Saddle, Docta K, Food - it's what's for dinner, I Chat Therefore I Am, Katie, Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings, Rooks, We's ravin'!, Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. on July 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Previously in BDBCB4:BS, we got over-enthused about sharks, if such a thing is possible.  This week in Fifty Shades of Grey, we tackle the morning after, dick cozies, and text speak; discuss the relative value of homemade v. storebought; contemplate the myriad places soap should, in all likelihood, never go; and learn new things about French folklore and gentleman explorers.  Also, we solicit YOU, dear readers!  Keep an eye out for the poll!

Katie: OH HI!

Docta K: OH HAI! Look at how I am home SO FAST?!

Katie: YOU ARE EARLY.  I AM IMPRESSED.

Docta K: I busted ass out of work. I was like, BOOK CLUB BITCHEZ. I GOTS TO GO.

Rooks:  [heart].  Also, I love you both, but I swear I will only leave these first few lines like this to demonstrate to our readers precisely how much CAPSLOCK I generally have to deal with. Read the rest of this entry »

Were unicorns real? Who cares? They’re gone now. Let’s move on.

In Hengeful, Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings, Themeday Thursday, This verges on the ridiculous on October 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

For centuries, people have been debating the existence of the unicorn. How long can we obsess over the same boring old questions? Did they exist, didn’t they, is it Noah’s fault they’re gone, where can we find a virgin for our upcoming unicorn hunt, etc.? Don’t y’all think it’s time to move on? Especially since we’ve got a whole host of animals waiting patiently for the day that Peter Sagel interviews Bill Clinton about them on NPR’s wildly popular Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me. (Carl Kasell can’t even get a latte without every tween within a five-mile radius bursting into tears of adoration; one young fan even asked him to bite her at a promotional event last month.) (My bad, that was Robert Pattinson. I get them mixed up sometimes.)

Credit: Michaela Murphy
I have this poster above my bed.

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The First Amendment Says I Have to Write This Post and Other Little-Known Constitutional Penumbrae

In Katie, Legally Inclined, Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings, This verges on the ridiculous on October 25, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Denizens of the internet (you’re all from the United States, right? This becomes important really soon), I would like to introduce you to the most useful and important acronym you will ever know. No, not SCUBA. Not LASER. FAS.

FAS stands for First Amendment Says, and can be employed any time someone tramples your First Amendment rights. Picture this: you’re minding your own business, exercising your First Amendment rights like any good American, and then suddenly they’re trampled! It’s as if a herd of elephants stampeded over the original copy of the Constitution that, if my vague memories of National Treasure are correct, is kept in the Library of Congress when someone isn’t gallivanting about the country with it finding lots of treasure! National treasure.

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What a way to go?

In Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings, Rooks on June 27, 2010 at 5:11 pm

So this dude in Utah was just excuted by firing squad.  Now, various positions on the death penalty aside, I’m pretty sure everyone can agree that, on a scale of zero to incredibly fucking painful, no method of execution is anywhere near what anyone would call “pleasant.” At first, when I initially read that the deceased actually chose firing squad, I thought that was a bit wackadoo.  By all accounts bullets hurt quite a bit – having never been shot, I can’t attest to any personal experience, but that seems to be a pretty universal assessment.  Bullets = Hurt like a mofo. Read the rest of this entry »