The Thing Speaks for Whatever

Posts Tagged ‘Meaningless Hypotheticals’

A National League of Ice and Football

In Getting anal about sport, In which even the book nerds decide to give a fuck about the NFL, Rooks, This verges on the ridiculous on July 2, 2012 at 9:49 am

Recently, a friend of mine and all around delightful human being posted the following to that one social networking site we’ve all heard of:

A little something for fans of both A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE and the NFL.  If any of you football-heads out there also happen to dig ASOIAF, please comment and let me know if this article is clever or stupid.  (I am gleefully football-ignorant.)”

It was like I could feel the Bat Signal smacking me upside the head with the light of Tailor-Made Ridiculous Fucking Hypos on the Internet. Read the rest of this entry »


Were unicorns real? Who cares? They’re gone now. Let’s move on.

In Hengeful, Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings, Themeday Thursday, This verges on the ridiculous on October 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

For centuries, people have been debating the existence of the unicorn. How long can we obsess over the same boring old questions? Did they exist, didn’t they, is it Noah’s fault they’re gone, where can we find a virgin for our upcoming unicorn hunt, etc.? Don’t y’all think it’s time to move on? Especially since we’ve got a whole host of animals waiting patiently for the day that Peter Sagel interviews Bill Clinton about them on NPR’s wildly popular Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me. (Carl Kasell can’t even get a latte without every tween within a five-mile radius bursting into tears of adoration; one young fan even asked him to bite her at a promotional event last month.) (My bad, that was Robert Pattinson. I get them mixed up sometimes.)

Credit: Michaela Murphy
I have this poster above my bed.

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What a way to go?

In Polls Hypos and Other Imaginings, Rooks on June 27, 2010 at 5:11 pm

So this dude in Utah was just excuted by firing squad.  Now, various positions on the death penalty aside, I’m pretty sure everyone can agree that, on a scale of zero to incredibly fucking painful, no method of execution is anywhere near what anyone would call “pleasant.” At first, when I initially read that the deceased actually chose firing squad, I thought that was a bit wackadoo.  By all accounts bullets hurt quite a bit – having never been shot, I can’t attest to any personal experience, but that seems to be a pretty universal assessment.  Bullets = Hurt like a mofo. Read the rest of this entry »